GREG JOHNSON

AMERICA by GREG JOHNSON (link below)

2011-10-27T15:52:00.003-04:00

Thanks for continuing to visit this site.

I have news: you can now reach me, daily, again, below.

Link to: AMERICA by Greg Johnson

AMERICA by Greg Johnson

Check it daily and often if you want.

That's where to find me.

Thank you all very much.

http://higregjohnson.tumblr.com - AMERICA by Greg Johnson

Now Go To AMERICA by GREG JOHNSON

2011-10-19T15:45:00.002-04:00

I have returned?

Link to: AMERICA by Greg Johnson

AMERICA by Greg Johnson

This dots lay out was aged.

Thank you so much for visiting my pages! Much love!!!

-Greg

http://higregjohnson.tumblr.com - AMERICA by Greg Johnson

Facebook Status-Off and Bojanjo.com

2009-06-09T14:05:00.004-04:00

Check out this new video by Untucked Films I'm in for a second. The cast is hysterical.

Facebook Status Off

bojanjo.com

Happy June

2009-06-01T13:55:00.002-04:00

Jim Gaffigan stopped by The Comedians at Pianos last night!

Join us this Sunday night at Pianos and all Summer long for The Comedians at 7:30. Spread the word. Do not miss the show this Sunday.

Rabbit, rabbit...

Greg Johnson

Greg w/Marc Maron and More - This Thursday 9PM 92Y in Tribeca!

2009-05-29T13:38:00.001-04:00

Don't forget!

I'll be at The 92Y in Tribeca New York this Thursday night with Marc Maron (Conan, Letterman, Air America Radio)!

Get your tickets now!

Greg

Greg Johnson Online! Greg Live at Pianos Every Sunday Night at 7:30 in New York City!

2009-05-12T14:56:00.013-04:00

Greg Johnson is a comedian, writer and actor based in New York City.

You can see Greg every single Sunday night at 7:30 at Pianos in New York City. Pianos is 158 Ludlow Street at Stanton Street on Manhattan's Lower East Side.

Email here to book Greg.

You have found Greg's blog from 2004 — present. Please scroll through to read on and check out the archives.

Please check out Greg Johnson other places on the internet!

Greg Johnson on Twitter
Greg Johnson on Facebook

Greg Johnson on Myspace
Greg Johnson Blog on Myspace

Interview with Greg Johnson

Goodnight and good luck!

gregjohnsononline.blogspot.com

Ad Nauseum #2 at The Upright Citizens Brigade in NY This Saturday Night!

2009-05-11T09:10:00.000-04:00

Hi,

I am happy to announce Sam Brown (The Whitest Kids U Know) and I are doing Ad Nauseum #2 this Saturday night at The UCB in New York City! Showtime is 11:59PM!

This show is very funny. Ad Nauseum is a talk show hosted by Sam and I that features some special guests from national TV commercials. We will also rip all of today's "hot" ads! But don't trust my boring pitch. Come see it for yourself! Our first show was a riot act.

Make a reservation here!

You can also check me out at the release party for the new Death & Taxes Magazine (below) and THIS SUNDAY AND EVERY SUNDAY at 7:30 at Pianos in NYC. Don't miss these shows!

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows.

All the best,
Greg

One for the Road: The Air Force One NYC Flyover Photos

2009-05-08T23:55:00.018-04:00

HAHAHAHA!

People saw that and they were like -

"WE GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUTTA DODGE!"

Here are the photos of Air Force One flying low over Manhattan last week. The low flying plane sent the city into a panic, giving many people memories of 9/11.

HAHAHAHA!

The Government should have just greenscreened that!

THAT LOOKS LIKE GOOGLE EARTH!!!

Flyover That Scared the City...

Get this...

The report from The White House is saying the photo-op may have cost up to $329,000.

NO EFFING WAY!!!

Shoot me in the face!!!

THAT MONEY WAS WASTED! THEY SHOULD HAVE GIVEN IT TO ME AND YOU!

WE WOULD HAVE OWNED!!!

This is bullsh*t!

This totally sucks!

We got hosed out of that cash!

That number sounds fishy though, doesn't it? $329,000? Even???

FAKE!

I heard Dave LaChappelle was the photographer for the shoot. He was probably all "I'm Rick James bitch!"

Right???

You would probably have to scroll for 200 hours straight (just scrolling) to get to the end of my blog. Are you gonna take food and water breaks?

I love it.

Don't be afraid of nothing. Planes fly way lower than that over my ghetto in Brooklyn every single day. And I have yet to see one hit a building.

All the best- now and forever.

Love,
Greg Johnson

More of the Greatest (?) Youtube Videos of All Time

2009-05-06T09:29:00.000-04:00

Guido Beach is amazing!

Some of the language may not be suitable for work- unless you work at a tanning salon on The Jersey Shore or something (which a lot of you do!)—

Thank you.

TJ Miller and Perez Hilton - Together at Last!

2009-05-05T22:04:00.007-04:00

Finally!

Comedian TJ Miller was on Perez Hilton's website today for his hilarious pose in a mugshot he did up over the weekend.

Totally classic!

The police in Bloomington, Indiana claim TJ -who is a comic and friend of Greg Johnson Online- was driving under the influence and arrested him last night. But, they're Cops, not Doctors! Who are they to say??? He looks sober in the photo!!!

This is more social injustice! Brought to us by Perez Hilton!

We should have a benefit at Largo!

Perez Hilton: TJ Miller - Mugshot Hall of Fame

I can really see why Perez Hilton is so influential. It's because he's reporting on important stories- like TJ Miller in Bloomington, Indiana.

In all seriousness, isn't it time mega-celebrities like Todd J. Miller (above) go ahead and use their billions of dollars to get them drivers from state to state? He's like one of the richest celebrities in the world- WHERE WAS HIS DRIVER?!?

THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!

MEGA-SUPERSTARS CAN BE SO SELFISH!!!

BUY DRIVER SLAVES!!!

Thanks, Perez Hilton!

Breaking news- this just in: TJ is getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!!!

Nice! TJ! You're The Man! CALL ME!!!

Wait a second...

This just in- TJ Miller is being inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame!!!

Yesss! TJ! YOU THE MAN!!!

Previously - TJ Miller Visits Greg Johnson & The Comedians Sundays in New York

Paula Ab-DUH!

2009-05-05T20:39:00.004-04:00

Paula Abdul is saying she's done drugs!??

GTFO!!!!!!!!

This is f*cking NEWS TO ME!

We better buy her new album!!!

Pain Pill Paula Ready to Sing Again

This is a shocker!

Next you're gonna tell me Madonna's not a virgin!

Paula looks like The Designated Driver there!

HOTTT!

Nice!

I made that video (above). It only took me 14 hours. That's time well spent!

Best of Greg Johnson Online - Click These Links and Scroll Through the Archives for Much More!

2009-05-04T19:52:00.002-04:00

Thanks for coming to the website. You can now follow me on twitter.com!

CHILL!!!

Greg in This Month's Death & Taxes Magazine

Maryland's Women's Basketball Team Eats Kids?

The Latest on the Cindy Crawford/Bill Cosby Romance

Wayne's World in Hoogie Boogie Land

Get Literal with The Beatles

"Seriously- What Is Up With The Haters?"

Passedoutwookies.com

The Official Wrestlemania 25 Recap

Previously:

Mother's I'd Never...

Chappelle: Too Much Stand-Up?

Robots Will Kill Us All

The One We Were Told About Ashton Kutcher

Andy Pettitte and A-Rod/ Sitting in a Tree/ K-I-L-L Space M-E!

Spitzer's Prostitute is All Spaced Out!

The Incredible Crap

MTV Real World in Las Vegas

Perez Hilton is The Worst

Sigfried and Roy Return

Thank God It's Monday!

Big Ups! Gatorade!

Scroll down through the last few weeks for more incredible crap from the Internet. You can do whatever you like.

Stand Up Apartment 2!

2009-05-04T12:01:00.001-04:00

Here is episode 2 of Stand-Up Apartment with me and Kenny Zimlinghaus playing two stand-up comedians in NYC. Episode 1 was featured on comedycentral.com (CCInsider)! THAT WEBSITE REALLY KNOWS THEY SH*T!

LOLZ

When you're a part of a video that looks like it was shot on a cell phone and it includes a Dom Irrera reference, you know you're appealing to a very small percentage of the population. It's like 6 people.

Stand Up Apartment on Youtube

Gift of the Magi

2009-05-04T09:57:00.000-04:00

This may be my favorite song of all time.

The clip is six minutes. Please promise me you'll do it justice by watching all of it 5 times. This isn't an amateur club. Watch it all five times. At least. For example, I've watched it 15.

You're welcome.

Thank God it's Monday!

May Day - The Comedians This Sunday at Pianos at 7:30PM! With Jesse Popp, Sean Patton, Tom McCaffrey, myself and More!

2009-05-01T14:59:00.008-04:00

Come check out the show at Pianos (158 Ludlow/Stanton St.) Sunday night at 7:30!

Come see this show: our guests are 3 of the best comics in the COUNTRY!

This show will be funny as a mo.

Spread the word, man...

Greg Johnson
Jacqueline Novak
The Comedians
Sundays at Pianos
7:30PM

This Sunday (5/3)!

JESSE POPP (Comedy Central)

SEAN PATTON (Montreal Comedy Festival)

and TOM MCCAFFREY (Comedy Central, Debut CD)

Pianos
158 Ludlow St. @ Stanton
New York, NY
F V 2nd Ave - JMZ to Essex
pianosnyc.com
sundaysatpianos.tumblr.com
21+ $5
$3 Maragitas until 7!
$5 Food Menue until 10!

Do not miss this show Sunday night on The Lower East Side.

Give a big ups to your boy Danny Gans!

His shoes are sick.

Big ups to Danny Gans. You will be remembered forever.

Greg on IFC's The Whitest Kids U Know!!!

2009-04-29T08:16:00.006-04:00

Hi,

I made my third appearance on IFC's TV show The Whitest Kids U Know during their current 3rd season. The clip from the show is below and I'm in it around 1:50. The third season is now airing Tuesdays at 10 on IFC.

Wow. That's really great.

Someone else wrote the title for this post. I would never refer to myself in the third person. Greg Johnson just doesn't do that.

That last line was another person, too!

Love,
Greg Johnson (signatures are fair game)

Independent Film Channel - WKUK Season 3 - President Reagan

Kirstie Alley Looks Amazing!

2009-04-29T06:37:00.001-04:00

Whoa!

Kirstie Alley looks INCREDIBLE!

Will you go out with me?!?!

Thanks, Perez Hilton.

A girl I know was at an Easter Sunday brunch at the Scientology building in LA 2 weeks ago. I'm unsure why the Scientology building would have an Easter Sunday brunch. But that's not important. What is important is that Kirstie Alley was also a guest. And the girl said there were Cadbury Eggs and Peeps on the walls as decorations, and Kirstie Alley was picking them off the wall, talking to them, and devouring them the entire party.

When I heard that, I was like "chill!"

That's what I would be doing, too! KIRSTIE ALLEY IS SO HOTTT!!!

She's a real MILF! AND THE F IS FOR FEED!!!

Ahhhh! Porno! Now we're all fired from work!

Kirstie's just getting after it is all. At my next party, I'm gonna decorate the walls with Big Mo's.

That's gonna be pretty good.

Ferris Bueller's Look's On!

2009-04-28T16:49:00.000-04:00

Matthew Broderick looks FAAAAANTASTIC!

Chill burns, Mr. Van Buren!

They must smell great, too...because SJP is GOING TO TOWN!

This just in!

These two announced yesterday they are having babies with a surrogate Mother! Congratulations!

I wonder who the hired babymaker is!

Octomom? She's probably too trashy.

The slutty one? She's probably too old.

David Crosby? He's probably too perfect.

I'm really hoping it's David Crosby.

E! SJP and Matthew Broderick Expecting Twins

Related - Youtube - How to Grow and Care for Sideburns

Wish me luck on my trip to Mexico City tomorrow! I think it's going to be fun!!!

R.I.Bea!

2009-04-27T19:22:00.000-04:00

Big ups to Bea Arthur.

Big ups!

Francisco Rodriguez is a huge Bea Arthur fan. That's who he's pointing to when he does that. I'm kind of surprised you didn't know that.

Bea Arthur Dead at 86

So young!!!

OMG! Great news! I found the episode of The Golden Girls online where Dorothy (played by Bea Arthur) performs stand-up comedy at a nightclub. This is an absolute classic! She kills!

Check It Out Here!

Also, you can check out the Family Guy clip where Peter's gotta watch the long opening credit sequence from Maude. This is funny, too:

Check It Out Here!

Thank you for being a friend, Bea Arthur. Now travel down the road and back again. (I never understood that line.)

Big ups!

Greg in This Month's Death and Taxes Magazine

2009-04-27T16:19:00.006-04:00

I'm featured in the new issue of Death & Taxes magazine (The Comedy Issue: 10 of the Funniest Comedians in America). Danny McBride is on the cover. That's pretty chill.

I'd never heard of this magazine before. But it's awfully glossy. And that means it's really good.

Someone else typed the title of this post for me because I would never talk about myself in the third person. C'mon, guys!

Sirius XM Show Tonight! Plus - Missbehave Magazine Article!

2009-04-27T11:37:00.001-04:00

They just posted a new article I wrote for Missbehave Magazine over on their website. Check it out below.

Missbehave Magazine

All you satellite radio subscribers can catch me co-hosting Get In Bed on Cosmo Radio TONIGHT from 8-11 (Sirius 111 - XM 162).

Emoticon

All You Weakend Warriors!

2009-04-24T13:11:00.002-04:00

Have a great weakend!

Come check out The Comedians at Pianos, this Sunday night starting at 7:30! My guests will feature Anthony Jeselnik (Late Night with Jimmy Fallon)!

$3 Margaritas until 7!

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows.

Follow Me On Twitter, Son!

2009-04-22T18:43:00.004-04:00

I would have joined twitter earlier if its name didn't sound so lame to me.

I gotta say, the best part about the site is you can follow awesome celebrities- like Perez Hilton and Britney Spears!

Geese.

twitter.com/thegregjohnson

NBA on NBC - "Roundball Rock" Upside Your Head

2009-04-22T15:22:00.004-04:00

What could be more fantastic than John Tesh rocking out live at Red Rocks with his NBA on NBC theme? Well, maybe a lot of things. But this video is hilarious. Tesh's intro says it all:

LOL

STOP! STOP! TOO MUCH ROCK! OUR FACES ARE MELTING!

What a clip!

I admire the intensity of the violin section. They cannot be beat. Those fools studied violin their entire lives leading up to that moment. And what an honor it must be to sit and play alongside John Tesh. It's all happening for them!!!

I like when Tesh starts dribbling a phantom basketball to warm up the band.

I think I'm gonna start dressing like that for my shows.

I love it.

Long live The Tesh.

One Newsman's Diesel Freak Out

2009-04-22T11:33:00.002-04:00

This is hilarious. Check out this news dude go completely off the wall on the air.

"Let's try to get back under control here."

That's great. My man LOSES it. He is not a fan of lizards.

Trenita's Turn Ons Include Nine Inch Nails

2009-04-21T15:23:00.003-04:00

Obviously.

This video is ridiculous.

I encourage you to wait until the last 30 seconds. The final statement that comes out of this woman's mouth is a real shocker.

LOLZ!

Nice.

SHE'S JUST MY TYPE!

I can't believe this woman has a hard time finding a man. Are you kidding me? She is HOTTT! For a second I thought she was Marilyn Monroe!

Looking The Same

2009-04-21T13:54:00.000-04:00

Get ready to seize!

Jeezy peezy.

People Who Look Exactly the Same in Every Picture

You Be The Judge!

2009-04-21T12:09:00.000-04:00

Or am I both?

Have a Chill Day!

2009-04-20T14:38:00.006-04:00

Thanks for coming to The Comedians in New York last night. Join us this coming Sunday (4/27) at 7:30 for another fantastic show.

You guys!

How psyched are you?

It's that day again!

HAPPY 4/20! CHILLEST DAY OF THE YEAR, SON!!!

SO CHILL!

Chill!

I'm gonna make that a new hand symbol I do to remember Jerry. I'm guessing that people will pick up on it right away.

What a winner this dude is:

I'm hoping that isn't someone's father.

Coming soon, son!

SO CHILL!

Bob Marley smoked weed? WHO KNEW??!

Is today really the anniversary of the Columbine killings? On 4/20???

THAT IS SO NOT CHILL!!!

I'll tell you what is chill. Sandles and socks are pretty chill.

Ditto hacky sack.

What a genius that kid is.

Whoa. Hacky Sack is not so chill in that photo.

Drum circles are pretty chill.

Chill.

And let us not forget Michael Phelps.

Sick glass, kid! Happy 4/20 Michael Phelps!!!

Can you imagine the massive bong hits Michael Phelps must throw down? His lungs are like 6 foot 2!

That's him with his medals from The Bong Olympics.

My friend told me Swimming is only Phelps's second best sport— behind rippin tubes!

CHILL!!

"Hey, man. You know what day it is today?"

"You f*ckin better believe I do, budday!"

I hope all you fools have a super chill day!

Greg Johnson

Thank God It's Monday!

2009-04-20T12:15:00.003-04:00

Russell Crowe is playing Robin Hood?

Wait a minute. That outfit looks WAY too modern to me. I guess in the new version, Robin Hood shops at Anthropologie.

I think I saw someone in those clothes on the L train this weekend.

lookatthisf*ckinghipster.tumblr.com

Todd Barry Will Be Joining The Comedians Tonight at 7:30!

2009-04-19T06:11:00.008-04:00

OMG! COME CHECK OUT THE SHOW TONIGHT!

Todd Barry told me he'd be stopping by the show tonight at Pianos! Todd's from the fantastic movie The Wrestler, he has been one of the highlights of HBO's Flight of the Concords and he has produced some of the most hilarious comedy CDs of the past 35 years (I did math to sort that number so).

OMG! Todd Barry, Rob Cantrell, Sara Schaefer, Whitest Kids U Know with Jacqueline Novak and myself! All tonight at Pianos in New York! Pass it on and come hang out...

Click here or scroll down for all the posted details and directions!

LIVE Sundays at Pianos — Greg Johnson & The Comedians! This Sunday (4/19) 7:30PM— Feat. The Whitest Kids U Know!

2009-04-15T15:12:00.006-04:00

Check me out every Sunday at The Comedians at Pianos in New York City (158 Ludlow/Stanton St). 7:30PM start!

This Sunday is 4/19! GOT A DAY? And our very special guests this Sunday will include The Whitest Kids U Know (Tuesdays at 10 on IFC)!!!

And more!

DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW!

$3 Margaritas until 7
$5 food menu until 12
Show at 7:30

The Comedians
The best comedians in New York City
Every Sunday Night
7:30
Pianos
158 Ludlow St./Stanton St.
New York, NY - Lower East Side
21+ $5
F,V - 2nd Avenue
J,M,Z - Essex Street
Join our mailing list:
sundaysatpianos.tumblr.com

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows.

Come hang out at Pianos again this Sunday 4/19. 7:30 Start. DO NOT MISS the show this week. Pass it on and get there early!

Do The Monster Mash!

2009-04-15T08:44:00.000-04:00

This is Bobby Brown and Mike Tyson singing The Monster Mash. And it blows my mind every time.

Just incredible. Tyson is so good.

Speaking of blowing my mind, how about the photos from Mike Tyson's abandoned Mansion?

Say whhhhhhhat!

Have you looked at those crazy gems lately?

Mike Tyson's House of Pain

Mike Tyson: what a genius. Remember when news broke that he got his face tattooed? That was one of my favorite media blitzes of all time. If there's two things in a story that are gonna grab my attention like no other, it's Mike Tyson and Face tats.

Who's getting face tats?

"Does this make me look alive?"

No. It makes you look like you should die.

Wait a second.

Mike Tyson's abandoned mansion if off the chain!

An Ice Cream bar by the indoor pool???

MR. TYSON, YOU ARE A GENIUS!

Greg Johnson Online - Mike Tyson's House of Pain

Revisit The Best

2009-04-15T06:37:00.000-04:00

Is this the greatest internet video ever? Someone made a real slick copy of it since I originally posted it. I can't not laugh. Sorry? Sorry, Candace? (You guys, Candace totally reads this blog!)

Thank God for the internet.

Love,
Greg

Crazy Costume Lady!

2009-04-14T23:58:00.000-04:00

Whoa! Check out this crazy ass mo-fo.

Unreal!

That video will be remembered forever.

I think that might have been your Mom, dude! Doesn't she own that costume store?

I wonder who the woman she was "cyberstalking" was. No doubt someone with tons of integrity.

Dude to Glenn Beck: I'm Passin Out!

2009-04-13T20:17:00.000-04:00

Brilliant.

This past hour, some guest on FOX News with Glenn Beck passed out. What a genius.

When you get under those lights and you're standing with The Beck, it must get really intense, huh? Your body just shuts off. I think he was so star struck his body went into shock.

He's lucky he didn't pass away.

Big ups to that dude.

The Comedians — This Sunday Night at Pianos! 7:30PM (Matinee Time)! w/Dave Rosinsky, Morgan Murphy, Greg Johnson, Jacqueline Novak & more!

2009-04-10T17:46:00.004-04:00

How could you miss this shit on Sunday?

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows. We'll see you this Sunday.

$3 Margaritas until 7PM!!!

$5 Food Menu until 7:30!!!

Showtime 7:30 PM (Sharp)!!!

The Comedians
The best comedians in New York City
Every Sunday Night
7:30
Pianos
158 Ludlow St./Stanton St.
New York, NY - Lower East Side
21+ $5
F,V - 2nd Avenue
J,M,Z - Essex Street
Join our mailing list:
sundaysatpianos.tumblr.com

Thanks for coming. Pass it on. Come hang out this Sunday.

Thanks for coming to the shows and hanging out.

Scared to Death of Food

2009-04-09T21:46:00.000-04:00

Check out the Jackass mustard attack. It's completely psychotic. It's from the DVD extras. Yikes. Have you seen this?

Why do people become so afraid of foods?

It's like the pickle girl on Maury (below). This girl is out-of-control! She's terrified of pickles! Was she abused by a pickle when she was younger or something?

(Don't answer that.)

She works in a restaurant. That is ridiculous. She must be a really great waitress. That must be a really great restaurant to eat at if the waitress goes ape shit every time you mention pickles. That's pretty normal. I'd bring all my friends in there and make everyone order pickles. That sounds mean, but you'd thank us later when we posted it on youtube.

I like when they take her to the pickle factory and the dudes who work there are standing by as if to say "ummm, what's so scary about pickles? Is there something we don't know?"

If only they knew THE HORROR!!!

PS. Sort it out, guys. What are we talking about?

DUI To Me One More Time!

2009-04-09T17:58:00.000-04:00

Woman Charged with 3 DUIs in 1 Week

Nice!

Way to be, America!

But she looks so put together!

O la la! Would you go out with me?!?!

On Monday, investigators say the culprit was arrested when she stopped at Honda's fire station to ask for directions.

Directions? She wanted directions? They should have told her to kick the drugs and get a job.

DO YOU GUYS GET THAT?!?!

I'm probably gonna move to Canada.

THIS SUNDAY! 7:30 Sharp! The Comedians at Pianos!

2009-04-09T14:23:00.002-04:00

DO NOT MISS THE COMEDIANS! This Sunday at Pianos (158 Ludlow/Stanton St. - Lower East Side)!

Among the comedians this week will be the very funny Dave Rosinsky! And the hilarious Morgan Murphy (Comedians of Comedy, Writer: Late Night w/Jimmy Fallon)!!!

$3 Margaritas until 7PM!!!!
$5 Food until 7:30!!!!
7:30 sharp showtime!!!!

The Comedians
This Sunday 4/12!!!
7:30 showtime (sharp)
Pianos
158 Ludlow St./Stanton St.
New York, NY - Lower East Side
21+ $5

DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW!!!

Pass it on and get there early!

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows. See you Sunday in Manhattan. Tell your friends...

Greg Johnson

Join our mailing list!
sundaysatpianos.tumblr.com

Earth's Creepiest Website

2009-04-09T11:53:00.000-04:00

manbabies.com

There could be creepier websites on Mars though. Mars has some pretty creepy websites.

Kanye West on South Park

2009-04-09T10:32:00.001-04:00

It turns out Kanye West is a gay fish. I told you!

Check it out:

That's my favorite thing ever. I've watched it 4 times.

Big Ups to (Why) Kurt!

2009-04-08T22:42:00.005-04:00

Kurt Cobain died 15 years ago today.

This is sad to me. But I'm not crying. These are days I'm lucky all my emotions are suppressed to hell.

BIG UPS!

Chill.

Big ups!

Chill.

Carlos Zambrano was a huge fan of Kurt Cobain (pictured). That's who he's pointing to when he pitches for The Cubs.

I'm kinda surprised you didn't know that.

CNN - Kurt Cobain Remembered 15 Years After His Death

Run it:

Let's remember Nirvana at their best:

What a great band they were. That's one of my favorite performances by them.

Greg Johnson

The Battle For Equality!

2009-04-08T18:35:00.000-04:00

The battle for equality rages on. We salute equal rights for tacos.

The way Dr. King intended his vision to be completed.

We also salute equal rights for gay foxes.

Single tear.

Sort it.

You Will Die!

2009-04-08T15:27:00.000-04:00

Has anything like this actually ever happened?

Owned!

Don't drink and drive! And smoke! And make out.

And take a wrong turn.

And explode.

Everything is terrible.

[EIT]

Wrestlemania 25 Live in Houston!

2009-04-07T20:32:00.002-04:00

I got to watch Wrestlemania 25 this weekend. It was one of the greatest television programs I've ever seen.

So dominant.

Let me tell you.

The Sun - History! Mania Delivers Once Again!

Precarious!!!

This was like a four hour television rape room. BUT IN A GOOD WAY!

Undertaker defeated Shawn Michaels in what may go down as one of the greatest matches in the history of the event. I almost went blind trying to keep my eyes on the screen for what seemed like a full 2 hours, holding my breath until The Undertaker finally pinned Michaels. But risking my sight was well worth it. After seeing that match, I never have to see anything again.

I would have put my eyes 3 inches from the TV screen, but other people were trying to watch and my head would have gotten in the way.

It was fantastic.

This match was so intense. It was like somebody hooked me up to a stroke simulator. AND IT ONLY COST $55!!!

It was so dominant.

Additionally, I'm pretty sure Undertaker killed a camera man in the middle of this match. And also, I'm not kidding. But whatever. These are just minor details.

(But also, I'm pretty sure the guy died.)

What a night it was!

Thankfully, at the last minute, WWE decided to edit The Miz out of the broadcast. He's a former MTV Real World cast member who now wrestles for the WWE.

I hate this man with the heat of 10,000 suns and the passion of 2,000 Christs.

Don't even.

And of course, my former college classmate Kofi Kingston was able to shine during the event. He's got some of the most athletic moves of all time!

Here he is kicking a guy in the face:

WHAT A GENIUS!!!

We went to the same university. I like to think I taught him most of what he knows, despite the two of us having never interacted. Spoiler alert: HE WILL DESTROY YOU!!!

PRECARIOUS!!!

It's just too bad Jeff Hardy's band Perxwhy?gen didn't perform. I did get to see him jump off a 20 foot ladder and break his back. That's preferable, and at the same time similar.

Easy, Jeff!

Also, JBL quit the business on Sunday. Big ups! Let's take a look back at one of the greatest videos of all time- and one of JBL's greatest hits from back in the day. Cue the JBL promo please:

Unreal.

That is the most psychotic video of all time.

"You tell your friends to stay south of the border! Because on this side of the border, John Bradshaw Layfield will be waiting!!!"

Priceless.

See you next year, Wrestlemania!

Previously - Peroxwhy?gen - Worst Band Name of All Time?

Previously - The Shockmaster is Here!!!

What?!

2009-04-07T14:38:00.002-04:00

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME TODAY IS LSD DAY??? I WOULD HAVE WORN A SUIT!!!

Thanks!

2009-04-06T16:49:00.000-04:00

Thanks for coming to our Sunday show at Pianos. Come by this coming Sunday 4/12! Spread the word! 7:30 show! Stanton and Ludlow Street.

Join our mailing list!

sundaysatpianos.tumblr.com

TGIF! The Comedians in NY This Sunday & Dance Moves That REALLY Rock!

2009-04-03T05:40:00.000-04:00

Do Not Miss THE COMEDIANS This Sunday at Pianos (Stanton and Ludlow)! 7:30PM! WITH Bonnie McFarlane, Andy Blitz, Rich Vos, and DC Benny!!!

OMG!!!

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows. Do not miss this show this week at Pianos. Please, pass it on and get there early!!!

Do not miss some of the best comedians in the country...

THIS SUNDAY 4/5/09 - 7:30 at Pianos (Stanton/Ludlow St.)

Comedians

Bonnie MacFarlane (HBO, NBC, Comedy Central)

Andy Blitz (Late Night w/Conan O'Brien)

Rich Vos (NBC, HBO, Opie and Anthony)

DC Benny (HBO, NBC)

!!!!

7:30PM - This Sunday Night (4/5/09)!

Tell your friends....get there early....

Pianos (Stanton and Ludlow St. - Lower East Side - NYC)
21+ $5
This Sunday!

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows.

I'll see you all again this Sunday. Tell your friends and join our mailing list if you want...

We'll see you this Sunday (4/5). Maybe you'll hook up!

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows. Bring your friends to this one if you want...
Greg

Bruno Trailer!

2009-04-03T04:17:00.002-04:00

Totally Ridiculous New Trailer for Bruno

Sasha Baron Cohen lost his mind before he was born.

BRUNO TRAILER

Not suitable for stuff.

HAAAAAMBURGER!

2009-04-01T20:49:00.001-04:00

Wow.

This dude is ridiculous. Hamburger.

Check it out. Hamburger:

That's ridiculous. Don't watch the whole thing. Hambuger.

I'm gonna start dressing like that on stage. Geese.

(Hamburger.)

Forward this to your friends!!!

(Hamburger.)

(Haaaaaaaaaamburg-ah!!!)

(Haaam-burger!)

Google Cheat View!

2009-04-01T14:39:00.000-04:00

PWND!!!

Cheating Husband Caught on Google Street View

A FURIOUS wife has called in divorce lawyers after spotting her husband’s car parked outside another woman’s house — on Google.

L8r g8r!

The hubby had claimed he was away on business, but his missus recognised his motor immediately because of its blinged-up hubcaps.

"Blinged-up hubcaps".

Nice.

So a combination of blinged-up hubcaps and google caused this man's demise?

Kill yourself.

Love,
Greg Johnson

Yo, Enter The Yo Zone!

2009-04-01T11:21:00.000-04:00

The greatest video of all time.

Pass it on:

Too much.

Power Couple Alert!!!

2009-03-31T19:01:00.001-04:00

Could Cindy Crawford and Bill Cosby be going public with their steamy romance?

GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!

Congrats 2 the sexxxy pair!

gregjohnsonblog

Bonus Bill Cosby

Babies Making Babies!

2009-03-31T13:57:00.000-04:00

Everyone on the internet should report to hell.

whydoyouhaveakid.com

whydoyouhaveakid.com

Is that Big Country?

Oh, you don't remember Bryant "Big Country" Reeves? Well, don't even worry about it because I found just about the most MAGNIFICENT video about him.

Bryant "Big Country" Reeves
Uploaded by Doafhat

I am nearly speechless.

Are the people from his home town speaking English?

Did a slow bomb go off in the middle of everyone?

What a genius. He was like a cyborg sent from the past to dunk on people's heads.

Nota bene: He is wearing the ugliest uniform of all time.

[Bryant Reeves - WIKIPEDIA]

He has the same birthday as me. THAT IS SO SICK!

Game Face

2009-03-31T12:54:00.001-04:00

New New Favorite Song

2009-03-31T12:03:00.000-04:00

Unreal.

How Bizarre

2009-03-31T10:05:00.000-04:00

Yikes.

LOLZ!

These Problems Matter

2009-03-31T08:18:00.000-04:00

"I have so many problems."

I love it. Very funny.

Right after that the baby Stewie goes "God, these High Schoolers are so lame! I'm a freaking baby and I'm cooler than they are!"

This was the greatest thing ever.

Previously - Family Guy/Surfin Bird - Greatest of All Time

I understand if you don't like Family Guy. But use your imagination. I don't really like it either. So breathe.

Big Ups!

2009-03-31T06:02:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've had the pleasure of watching this absolute gem.

Holy crap! So priceless.

1:40 - the guy playing the guitar is my all time hero.

Pick a card that shows your heart and your pride!

I want to meet that dude who sings this. What a total genius.

When the guy starts to break it down at 3:20, it's all most too much. But it's never too much.

The One Bank song is kind of reminiscent of this absolute treasure of a video:

Holy moly, folks!

That dude is FEELIN it.

That dude thinks he's The G.O.A.T. I love it!

Do You Have a Grudge Against Montgomery Burns?

2009-03-30T22:12:00.000-04:00

A Gime? What's a Gime?

2009-03-30T21:12:00.001-04:00

Oh! A gime!

Wayne's World — Pain Cave

2009-03-30T20:51:00.001-04:00

That's perfectly normal when someone bloodgens you...

That's my new favorite song. It replaces Hoogie Boogie land.

I never thought anything would replace Hoogie Boogie land. It's just so catchy and perfect.

There is no war. There is no hate. Can you relate?

Um, a little?

B.Y.O.Weapons?

2009-03-30T17:58:00.002-04:00

Sounds legit!

Sean Paul Rules!

2009-03-30T16:58:00.000-04:00

Angola!

L-O-to the muthafreaking-L

W(hat?)

Mr. Timmy Joins a Fight Club

2009-03-30T15:50:00.001-04:00

Whitest Kids:

Thank God It's Monday!

2009-03-30T14:48:00.000-04:00

Literal Beatles!

The Comedians - Sunday at 7:30! LIVE at Pianos!

2009-03-27T16:27:00.005-04:00

The best comedy show in the city. Come hang with us again at Pianos Sunday night!!! Comedy and drinks!

DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW! Join us Sunday night at 7:30 with very special guests (below)...

Don't miss The Comedians THIS SUNDAY NIGHT (3/29) — 7:30PM in NYC (Pianos - Stanton/Ludlow St. - Lower East Side)!

Pass it on and get there early!!!

The Comedians
Sundays 7:30 at Pianos (Stanton/Ludlow St.)
The best comedy night in the city!!!
sundaysatpianos.tumblr.com
pianosnyc.com
THIS SUNDAY - w/guests Kumail Nanjiani, Chris Jurek and more surprise guests!
All very funny!
7:30PM - 21+ Only $5

DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW!

Pass it on......

Great New Movie Trailers - For Your Consideration

2009-03-27T15:54:00.005-04:00

I'm predicting this movie sweeps The Oscars.

I'm just saying, after seeing this trailer (below), I kinda know a lot about stuff, and I'm pretty certain Where The Wild Things Are will sweep The Oscars. WATCH ME BE RIGHT!

Check it out:

Pretty good, huh?

Chill.

That movie is gonna win every Oscar. And that's never been done before. Not even when Roots came out. But trust me.

OK, wait.

Hold up.

Let me rephrase that. That statement may have been a little stupid. I meant to say, I know a lot about stuff, and that movie AND the Ang Lee/Demetri Martin movie about Woodstock will win every Oscar.

Check this one out:

Looks pretty great to me.

These two movies will definitely sweep the Oscars. And that's never happened. Not even when Problem Child came out.

Wait.

OK.

One more revision. I do know a lot about stuff still, but I may have said something stupid. What I meant to say was— Where the Wild Things Are and Taking Woodstock will sweep the Oscars. Along with...

...

no doubt about this one...

...

MISS MARCH! IN THEATRES NOW, SON!!!!

See that sh*t, kid!

3 Movies - ALL THE OSCARS!!!

Oscar Lifetime Acheivement Award? Demetri Martin/Trevor Moore (tie).

Wait until next February. YOU'LL SEE I'M RIGHT!

myspace.com/gregjohnsonblog

Big Plans This Weekend!

2009-03-26T14:35:00.003-04:00

And you're looking at them!

Sick!

Don't miss The Comedians THIS SUNDAY NIGHT — 7:30PM at Pianos in NYC!

Do not miss this show!
The Comedians
Sundays 7:30 at Pianos (Stanton/Ludlow St.)
The best comedy night in the city!
sundaysatpianos.tumblr.com
pianosnyc.com
THIS SUNDAY - w/guests Kumail Nanjiani, Chris Jurek and more surprise guests!
All very funny!
7:30PM - 21+ Only $5

DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW!

Pass it on......

Phyllis Diller?

2009-03-26T14:02:00.001-04:00

Phyllis Diller. Obviously.

The Lady Terrapins: We Eat Kids!

2009-03-25T17:41:00.005-04:00

The Maryland Women's Basketball team is currently competing in the NCAA tournament and they have made their team slogan "WE EAT KIDS".

Obviously!

Get it? Basketball? Eating kids???

These girls must be, like, really smart!

Deadspin: Lady Terrapins' Weird Slogan

"WE EAT KIDS!"

"FRIENDS FOREVER!!"

I hope they win and afterwards they're like "we told you we eat kids!!!"

"We got two right here!"

Yikes.

"What are you laughing about?"

"Oh! I was just remembering how we eat kids!"

LOLZ!

"We SO eat kids!"

"Agreed!"

Sort that out, Maryland.

They say this is in reference to the infamous Mike Tyson line. Always good to model yourself after Mike Tyson. Good karma, if anything.

Below — "I'm gonna eat his children! Praise be to Allah!"

What a classy guy. It was so surprising when we found out he eats ears.

Lady Terrapins Eat Children

Pumping Iron Jr.?

2009-03-25T12:09:00.001-04:00

Not suitable for life.

What the hell is that video?

Why's this guy so worried about developing a weight lifting program for children? The last thing America needs is a bunch of Little Hercules running around.

Wait for it.

AHHHHHHHHH!!!

I KNOW!!

That is World Famous "Little Hercules" Richard Sandrak. He was like an 8 year old body builder that was made famous in 2000.

The government just probably flagged my blog for putting his creepy ass picture up there. As they should— so they can arrest him and his parents.

Remember Little Hercules? If you don't, consider yourself lucky. To think, I saw this kid on Jenny Jones sometime in 2001. I should have been in church.

Is that kid on roids? He should play for The Yankees.

I have very mixed emotions about this post.

Here's the world famous "Little Hercules" Richard Sandrak's wikipedia page!

Little Hercules - Wikipedia

That article is labeled as needing a lot of verification. So RUN DON'T WALK over there and fix it up, all you Sandrak lovers!

Make sure and email this post to all your friends who are also Richard Sandrak lovers. Maybe we can get him on Dancing With the Stars!!!

Whoops! I JUST SHOT MYSELF!!!

[Little Hercules Richard Sandrak - Inside Edition]

[EIT]

Greg on Sirius XM's "Guys Uncensored" Today at 11AM

2009-03-25T08:15:00.000-04:00

I will be on Sirius XM Radio's "Guys Uncensored" today at 11AM on Cosmo Radio! For subscribers, that's Sirius Channel 111 - XM Channel 162.

I'd like to check out Sirius XM Chill one day. That station sounds chill.

Chill logo.

I wonder if that's a station devoted to talking about jam bands and Matthew McConaughey. Either way, great name.

Check out Cosmo Radio on Sirius XM here!!!

Jenny Jones on Drums!

2009-03-25T07:13:00.001-04:00

[TVCarnage]

Punk Riot? No Kidding? Where At?

2009-03-24T22:36:00.002-04:00

Huntington Beach? Thanks!

The newscaster looks pretty outraged.

The Comedians — Sunday Night at Pianos

2009-03-24T13:06:00.003-04:00

Thanks for coming to The Comedians Sunday at Pianos. We had Jim Gaffigan and Mike Birbiglia stop by! Plus, Tom McCaffrey, Andy Blitz, Adam Lowitt and more!

I laughed until I puked. AND YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT!

Pictured - Gaffigan

Chill.

Don't miss The Comedians again this Sunday night at Pianos (7:30)! Our guests will include Kumail Nanjiani and Chris Jurek. This may be the best comedy night in the city.

Pianos (Stanton/Ludlow St.) — pass it on...

sundaysatpianos.tumblr.com

Ewing is a Beast

2009-03-24T00:00:00.001-04:00

The world's greatest TV commercial?

{Jesse Popp}

First Show of the Spring — Tomorrow — The Comedians — SUNDAYS at 7:30PM at Pianos

2009-03-21T16:06:00.002-04:00

Come check out the first show of the Spring tomorrow night at Pianos (Stanton/Ludlow Street - Lower East Side).

This will be a very funny show. We will have some very top notch funny guests. No bullsh*t. It starts at 7:30 sharp. Pass it on and get there early...

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows. See you tomorrow.

OMG!
Come check out our first Spring show tomorrow!!
7:30PM!
Pianos (Stanton/Ludlow St.)

Greg Johnson
Andy Blitz (Late Night with Conan O'Brien)
Tom McCaffrey (Comedy Central)
Jacqueline Novak
Plus a very special guest or two!

All very funny!

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows. Join us tomorrow and every Sunday this Spring at Pianos (7:30).

Greg Johnson Jacqueline Novak
& the best comedians in the country
The Comedians
Sundays at 7:30
Pianos
158 Ludlow Street (Stanton St.)
Lower East Side
New York, NY
21+ $5
pianosnyc.com
sundaysatpianos.com

sundaysatpianos.com

Weakend — What Is Up With The Haters?

2009-03-21T01:59:00.005-04:00

RE: Lean Body Magazine?

This will make you wanna turn in a grave:

Amazing.

Chad is The Man!

Why was that made?

Gregory Mantell does have a FANTASTIC first name tho!!!

This Sunday 7:30PM at Pianos in New York (Stanton & Ludlow St.) — Greg & The Comedians — Don't Miss!

2009-03-20T14:57:00.004-04:00

7:30!

Guess who's joining us on the show.

The very funny Andy Blitz (Late Night with Conan O'Brien)!

Plus some more very special guests are in the works!

DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW! SUNDAY AT PIANOS!!!

7:30 (sharp)

Happy Hour!

Come hang out!

Pass it on and GET THERE EARLY! This show will be excellent.

OMG! See you there!

Chill.

sundaysatpianos.com

Confusing Riders Only

2009-03-19T13:37:00.000-04:00

Buzzkill USA!

2009-03-19T07:23:00.002-04:00

This is so not chill!

Cops Seize Millions in Drugs From Phish Fans

BASTARDS!

SO NOT CHILL!

Police should not be enforcing laws at Phish shows! WHAT IS THIS?! RUSSIA!??

Wait!

Is that the same dude in the I Miss Farley shirt (post below)? Weird. It's a small internet. But it's safe to say, THAT KID HAS STYLE!

Sick wardrobe!

I want to take a moment to re-live one of my favorite moments of 2008. I hope these kids didn't get into any trouble at the Phish reunion shows. That would be tragic!

2 Guys at Kinkos

Chris Farley, Motherf*ckers!

2009-03-18T21:22:00.007-04:00

Could I get a t-shirt that says Chris Farley Rules?

Close enough.

Whoa!

Chill enough!

Wow.

Can you imagine wearing that t-shirt around? People would peg you as a total freak- and rightfully so.

I'm going to buy that t-shirt, enroll in an improv comedy class, and wear the t-shirt to the improv class. That will get me SO laid. Jealous?

A video of a video:

Wow!

Thank you for taking the time to post a video of a youtube video, PuppyLover9298!

Whoa.

I'm gonna wear those shoes and the I Miss Farley t-shirt to an emo concert and show them to girls. THAT'S gonna get me so laid, too!

ARE YOU JEALOUS?!?!

I'M GONNA SEE LIKE 55 BOOBS!!!

Big Ups 2 Natasha Richardson!

2009-03-18T20:29:00.003-04:00

Big ups!

Hollywood Royalty Remembered as Loving Mother, Actress

Ups!

Family Feud: Celebrity Look-Alikes

2009-03-18T15:25:00.000-04:00

This is a train wreck.

Howard Stern and Whoopi Goldberg might be my favorite.

Christmas Came Early!

2009-03-18T14:29:00.000-04:00

passedoutwookies.com

Barack Obama Has No Work To Do

2009-03-18T13:38:00.002-04:00

Anything else you could be doing Mr. President? Wars? Economy? No?

JUST ASKIN!

What a genius. I bet Obama gets every game correct. He got his masters in Bracketology, son!

Pound it.

Barack-etology!

Previously — Exclusive: Obama Gets After It!

Octomom Brings Home Two Babies!!!

2009-03-18T12:25:00.000-04:00

Finally!

S'about time!!!

We got TWO, ladies and gentlemen!

Octomom Brings Home 2 Babies!

WE GOT TWO!!

"Here's 2 U, Octomom!"

YOU'RE THE BEST!

Octomom is SO HOTTT!

What a World: Perez Hilton Takes on Pope?

2009-03-17T14:47:00.000-04:00

Perez Hilton is calling The Pope a "f*cking moron" on his website today. Jeezy peezy. This is very sketchy.

"This is Infuriating," Perez says.

It is indeed.

"We don't mean to offend..."

Oh, right! I'm sure!

Who's "we"? Perez and...? His laptop? His dildos?

Then Perez Hilton says:

"The Pope 'is a f*cking moron!'"

Oh.

Chill.

Why would anyone be offended by that??? I mean, it's only one of the most offensive things someone could ever say. But other than that, it's not offensive.

Perez is like "no offense, but The Pope is a f*cking moron." And 100 million Catholics are like "none taken, but you're a stupid homo."

DRAMZZZ!!!

Perez Hilton calling The Pope a "f*cking moron" is like the pot calling the kettle the pot.

I really think this might be The End of Days.

Nice.

2012 comes early.

OK. You can shut down the internet now! THANKS!

Pope Says Condoms Not the Answer in AIDS Fight

Trucks in Trees

2009-03-17T13:33:00.000-04:00

I wonder what planet this photo was taken on.

Is A-Rod Making Out with Himself?

2009-03-17T12:07:00.005-04:00

Or is that Madonna?

Yikes!

Jeezy peezy!

That's kind of an odd photo, huh? What is that about?

The Yankees should disband.

In bed with himself? YOU GOT IT!

Nice!

A-Rod is, like, really good about keeping his public image solid. The Yankees must be thrilled.

[DETAILS MAG]

Previously — A-Rod, and The Yankees Are All on Steroids

Related: Yankees General Manager Brian Cashman Will Take a Photo With Just About Anyone

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T10:04:00.004-04:00

DO YOU GUYS GET THAT?!

I RILL be drunk in about 2.9. They are selling dollar pitchers around the corner in Brooklyn. Just gotta write up my own obit before I head over there. SPRINKLE MY ASHES OVER STANTON AND LUDLOW!!!

(Check out the comments on the photo in that link. "Sick Pano!" Never heard that word before.)

Happy SPD! Get after it.

Pedro: The Movie is Coming

2009-03-16T14:04:00.004-04:00

Finally!

Pedro the Movie is coming to MTV. SO DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT!!!

Wow.

Great.

I'M GONNA PLAN A VIEWING PARTY AT CITY HALL!!!

MTV to Air Pedro Movie April 1st

April 1st?

I hope MTV's like "April fools!" and then play music videos.

Something tells me that won't happen though. And MTV will air a lame movie about the cast of Real World San Fransisco and PAY-dro...

Chill.

The sequel should be called Judd: The Movie.

Nice.

MTV needs to sort this.

Check out this clip. Pedro and his boyfriend wear matching black turtle necks when they go out. Not ok.

I hope they make a Puck movie that stars Brad Pitt and he wins an Oscar for it. That would make my life a fantasy.

It's pretty safe to say this kid is excited about the Pedro movie:

Wow. That kid is a Pedro Superfan!!!

Genius.

BIG UPS TO PEDRO!!!

Mourning, indeed.

MTV Airs Pedro Movie in April

Dancing More Dangerous Than Jackass?

2009-03-16T12:58:00.000-04:00

So let me get this straight.

All those sick, violent stunts on Jackass couldn't take Steve-O down, but Dancing with the Stars finally has?

Steve-O Injured Dancing with the Stars

Whoa.

This didn't mess him up:

But this has:

Nice.

Steve-O Injured:
I am still rehearsing everyday. It is going to be a risky routine that I hope to pull off.

Stay safe, Steve-O! You've never been risky in the past!

Don't do anything stupid!

Steve-O Out of DWTS?

Bryan Adams Marries Mandy Moore, Talks '69'

2009-03-16T10:02:00.000-04:00

They're saying Bryan Adams married Mandy Moore!

Kudos to the odd pairing!

So real. Indeed.

Bryan Adams doesn't look so good there.

Bryan Adams Marries Mandy Moore

There's a laugh at the end of this one—

Bryan Adams on CBS:

CHILL!

myspace.com/gregjohnsonblog

Greg Johnson & The Comedians — LIVE This Sunday at Pianos — 7:30 Open

2009-03-13T16:06:00.000-04:00

Greg w/special guests LIVE This Sunday at Pianos on Stanton & Ludlow in New York (Lower East Side)

The Comedians
Greg Johnson
LIVE This Sunday w/Michelle Collins (bwe.tv), Jacqueline Novak, Olde English and many more!
Stanton/Ludlow St.
Lower East Side
New York, NY
7:30 Open

And then again this Sunday!

This will be a great show.

Olde English (Good Morning America)

Michelle Collins (Editor in Chief - Best Week Ever.tv)

And me— Greg Johnson

Chill.

Plus, the very funny Jacqueline Novak and many more!

sundaysatpianos.tumblr.com

This is the best comedy night in the city— and it's happening again this and every Sunday night at 7:30.

Pass it on and GET THERE EARLY!

Tell your friends...

Thanks a lot for coming to the shows. See you Sunday night (3/15)!
Greg

NY Yankees Sign Barry Bonds!!!

2009-03-13T13:55:00.000-04:00

It's Octomom!

CC Sabathia ate his apartment! EASY ON THE LINGUINI, CC!!!

The Yankees are paying CC Sabathia $160 million. And, of course, he came to Spring Training looking like he weighs 400 pounds AND his Spring Training ERA is already a horrific 12.27 in 3 starts.

That is an unheard of ERA (or earned run average). 6 would be horrible.

He got shelled yesterday by The Detroit Tigers.
"
And he's 800 lbs and getting paid $160 million by The New York Yankees.

Our country's not even getting paid $160 million.

CC Sabathia is making more than the country.

And it's plain to see, A-Rod, Jeter and The Yankees are gonna have to start injecting a TON of steroids into each other's asses if The Yankees are gonna score enough runs to win some games this season.

That's The Yankee way!

Get going, boys! Drop your pants!

Kill yourselves.

Kill yourselves.

In 2009, nothing in America is worth 160 million dollars. And certainly not a 300 pound man named CC Sabathia.

Kill yourself.

We're gonna get to see what $100 million dollars worth of food and luxury is gonna do to that guy.

And it's plain to see, A-Rod, Jeter and The Yankees are gonna have to start injecting a TON of steroids into each other's asses if The Yankees are gonna score enough runs to win some games this season.

Season prediction: Steroids!

Nice!

Natural!

Get it going, Yankees!!!

"This just in: Yankees sign Barry Bonds!"

Wow. I have nightmares about that crazy Steroid head (above). Look at that dome piece!

ROID-io Head's OK Computer. AM I RIGHT??!

AM I?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

"This just in: Yankees sign Jose Canseco!"

The Yankees probably would do this and claim Canseco was off Steroids now. And then he'd show up for the press conference looking like this and murder somebody.

And if CC Sabathia's pitching stinks, it's plain to see, A-Rod, Jeter and The Yankees are all gonna have to start injecting a TON of steroids into each other's asses if they are going to score enough runs to win some games this season.

That's just how it's gonna have to go down!

Get your Roids out, playas!

"Tonight on Sportscenter! How much Roids will A-Rod, Jeter, and The Yankees be injecting into each other's asses to combat the horrific ERA of their pitching staff this season?"

"Will they sign Canseco and Bonds? And exactly how much Roids will they all be injecting into each other's asses? That's tonight - 6 Eastern on Sportscenter!"

The Yankees just re-signed Jason Giambi!

Was he on Roids? I can't remember.

Oh, right. He was.

"Also tonight, Baseball commissioner Bud Selig will be giving a press conference on how much Roids A-Rod, Jeter and The Yankees are gonna start injecting into each other's asses this season."

What a genius.

"All that and much more about how much Roids A-Rod, Jeter and The Yankees will be injecting into each other's asses this season, tonight on Sportscenter! DON'T MISS SPORTSCENTER!!!"

Go Yankees!

How much Roids do YOU think A-Rod, Jeter and The Yankees will be injecting into each other's asses this season to make it to the playoffs?

LET'S HEAR FROM YOU!

Go Roids!

Don't Worry, Yankees: He's Only Costing $160 Million

Previously - Run for Your Lives! It's CC Sabathia!

Oh snap!

"This just in: Yankees re-sign Roger Clemens!"

Was he on Roids?

Oh, that's right. He definitely was. He used to throw bats and stuff.

Roids rule!

Go Yankees!

Hooray for Baseball!

T.G.I.Friday the 13th Tip!

2009-03-13T11:54:00.000-04:00

DON'T watch Jason Takes Manhattan today. It's the worst movie of all time.

I'm serious.

It, like, doesn't even take place in Manhattan.

I'm serious.

Stay away from this sh*t!

I watched it last Friday the 13, last month (2/13/09).

Worst movie.

Sucks so bad.

I'm as serious as Cancer about this one. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!

You = warned, son!

Bonus:

The Worst Scene in any movie ever?

Jason takes manhattan music video (offers the entire sh*t flick):

Chris Brown/Rhianna Make It Official: No Publicity is Bad Publicity

2009-03-13T10:35:00.001-04:00

Chris Brown and Rhianna Reconcile: Record Duet Together!

And just like that, Chris Brown is the most famous singer in the country.

And it has everything to do with him beating up Rhianna and her taking him back.

Rhianna was like "IT'S TOTALLY CHILL!"

Did a publicist set this up?

May God have mercy on our souls.

I hate this story.

Don't even!

If I never see these two again, it may be too soon.

All this just ends up promoting a song?

What's next?

Oh, right.

The end of the world.

Crap.

"I'm gonna text Tina Turner about a World Tour in 2012."

I broke my own rule.

And may God have mercy on our souls.

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